Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
