For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
