i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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