Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
