The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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