Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize