Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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