Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
