who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
