I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
