On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
