Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
