I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
