This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
