What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
