I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I cut my penus on the lid.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
