i think my mom watched the whole time
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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