She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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