dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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