i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
