he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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