This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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