Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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