They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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