Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
