pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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