it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
