U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
