32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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