If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
