you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
