Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
