ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
