I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize