Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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