dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
two words...techno handjob
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
