My first STD was from a foam party
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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