umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
