Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
