Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
