her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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