our cab driver is having phone sex.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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