come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
sex in a hospital.. check
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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