Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize