i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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