Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
