We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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