At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
