Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My ass is underappreciated
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
