I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
