I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
