I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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