just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
