I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
