when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
