i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
