my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
