It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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