i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
