So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize