Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You smell like stripper and shame
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
