If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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