To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
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