I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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