I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
