at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
