at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
