singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize