Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
