I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
