...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
