She went from zero to smokin in five shots
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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