Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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