the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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