Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
