sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
