hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize