yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
