I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
