When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
